30 Jul 2020
If not anything else, the lockdown has taught us how much we need and rely on friendships, especially in the physical sense - it’s been months since we’ve been able to enjoy the company of our friends at restaurants, cafes, gaming arenas, and malls, given social distancing norms.
The scientific community, too, has largely achieved a consensus as to the importance of friendship: Robin Dunbar, a British anthropologist who devised the landmark Dunbar’s number (discussed below), has stated that, “But you really do depend on them. And your wellbeing, happiness, your physical and mental health, even your risk of dying is all affected by the number of close friends you have.”
However, the lockdown has significantly diverted our attention away from fulfilling the social necessity of friends to the physiological necessities of shelter and nutrition. As a result, the lockdown has clearly unearthed who your closest ones are, who made sure to check up on you amidst the hustle-bustle of the pandemic. This then brings us to the topic of today’s post: how many friends can we handle? We intrinsically know that we can’t please or catch up with everybody, but what does science say? How many close friends are we actually supposed to have?
While the pandemic has definitely modified some of these numbers, the general consensus is brought by the Dunbar’s number. The Dunbar’s number, as opposed to public belief, is not one number; instead, Dunbar’s number is a series of numbers that defines the social processing levels for humans, scaled by a factor of three.
The most commonly known, 150, is the number of people that you would call friends, those who you would call a part of your social group (fun fact: the number is not exactly 150, but is instead a range which is 100 at the lower end and 200 at the higher, for those who’d peg themselves as social butterflies).
Then, you reach 50, which is the number you would call close friends - you see them often, but you would likely not invite them to an intimate dinner with the nearest and dearest.
Another step down the ladder and we have 15, who are your good friends - these are the people who’d give you sympathy when you most need it, who you can confide in about most (but not all) things.
Finally, we reach your closest, most intimate support group, composed of 5. These 5 don’t necessarily have to be your friends, for they’re most often family. These are the people you’d call your best friends, who’ve stood by you no matter what. These are the people you’d share everything with.
But, you must know that, while these Dunbar numbers are stable for the most part, the people you count in these numbers often aren’t. People slip by through each number, sometimes falling out of the categories defined by these three numbers altogether. So, the next time you complain about how you’ve drifted away from a friend even though you’ve tried your best to stay in touch, just know that it’s what science has dictated, ultimately - your five this year may or may not be your five next year.
However, given the emergence of social media, the present relevance of the Dunbar’s number is continually being challenged. It is definitely easier to cultivate and maintain friendships when you’ve got more modes of communication through Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter. Thus, is the scientific consensus still correct about the number of friends we can handle? The answer is, most likely, yes.
Recent research has proven that, despite the ease of social media, the essential Dunbar number (150) has remained constant. A study conducted by Michigan State University researcher Nicole Ellison, for example, has found that the median number of Facebook friends of surveyed undergraduates was 300, but they counted only an average of 75 as their actual friends.
Why is this so? Well, nothing can replace the nature of human interaction. Social media can help you keep track of those people who would have otherwise disappeared for you, but it can’t replace the connections and synchronicity of shared experiences that physical interaction forges for friendship.
So, while the Dunbar number is currently relevant given the lack of tangibility offered by social media, nobody knows whether it’ll continually be relevant in an ever-changing virtual, or even post-pandemic, world.
But, for this International Friendship Day, revel in knowing that currently, your number of friends is most probably capped at 150. Don’t forget to call your five today though!